“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but
against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark
world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Eph
6:12
This verse is what I woke up thinking about this morning.
Yesterday was tough and I was definitely down. I found myself in a situation
where I felt hurt, misunderstood, and attacked. This morning I realized I
couldn’t be angry with the “who” behind the hurt … I knew this was Satan. He
loves it when we dump on each other so he doesn’t have to work as hard. When
Satan is at work, it’s often times sly and sneaky and we don’t always know it’s
him. Then there are other times when you are so rocketed by the assault you
become acutely aware of the spiritual warfare among us. This was one of those
times. I had one of these moments right after we made the decision to adopt and
now here comes another one soon after our decision to go on this mission trip.
It’s not a coincidence.
So, after feeling pretty deflated yesterday, I woke up this
morning more determined than ever. Because here is what I know…if I’m getting
Satan’s attention then I am doing something that glorifies God. As scary as that
is, I find tremendous peace and security knowing I am walking the path He has
planned for me. I won’t bury my head in the sand and try not to be the dark
prince’s target. I will stand up and walk boldly and obediently forward.
So, I know you are wondering what this has to do with lice!
Well, a couple of things. For one; when all these thoughts were blurring
through my head, I was driving my son to school. This is usually when I have my
best conversations with God. I don’t usually write them down or share them but
I told God (because I do that too), that if He wanted this shared, would He
please give me this same mindset and clarity to actually write it later! Well, here
I am trying! As I was reading Ephesians, I also read “Pray also for me, that
whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make
known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray
that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.” Eph 6:19.
My revelation this morning is that I am fearful of
telling you my thoughts and I am fearful that I will not have the words to
share the gospel with the precious people and children we will meet in
Ethiopia. I realized in my moment of strength this morning that I won’t be
afraid of this anymore. I won’t back down.
I will write down and share my thoughts when I think God wants me to.
The theme of our mission trip is “Be a storyteller” which means we will see
these children, feel these children, embrace their story, and then come back
and be their storyteller. I will not shirk from this responsibility.
So, again, what about the lice, right! Well, I want you to
see and feel my vulnerability so I feel like I should tell you some of the other
things that I am fearful about right now as I contemplate our life-changing
journey in August. Here it is…lice! Not only do I fear lice, I fear telling you
about it because you might judge me! I have a very unhealthy and unnatural fear
of tiny things that crawl. When I have nightmares that involve screaming, it’s
a dream about spiders or my counters being covered with ants, that kind of
thing. I know we will encounter beautiful children of God who will possibly
have lice and I know without a doubt that I will love on them as much as
possible. I will not let them ever see this concern in my eyes. But I
legitimately have spent some time pondering how I will treat Libbie’s scalp as
we try to get her de-liced before she goes to her first day of middle school
the DAY AFTER we get back from Ethiopia!! Yes, this concerns me but it in no
way deters me!
My other concern involves granola bars. At our last mission
trip meeting, we went over being approached by kids on the street and how we
were not to give anyone cash. Not out of lack of generosity but not to set a
precedent and not just to throw money at a problem. It was mentioned that we
might be able to give out granola bars. My fear is there won’t be enough
granola bars. I keep seeing the scene in my head of the child who is still
standing there when we run out. I know this image among many is going to be the
one that stays with me and haunts me and changes me.
Bear with me as I progress…you may just hear more of what’s
on my heart!
